The Crow here for c4ocradio.com
Some Valentines have such high expectations that they end up being disappointed when they get the same cliche candy, flowers or sex apparel. Booooooooring.! Of all the gift-giving holidays, perhaps Valentine’s Day is the most fraught with danger. But if you’re dating someone who would be disappointed to receive a 6-foot gummy cobra, a marijuana bouquet, or a giant pirahna plant puppet, trust us: You don’t want them in your life. Luckily, with our guide, (because you probably will ― see? No more stress!)
you don’t have to worry about disappointing your Valentine. Meanwhile, anyone who loves the gifts below (or is at least willing to fake enthusiasm) is a real keeper. When it comes to gummy anything, bigger is always better. This 6-foot-long gummy python is sure to let your Valentine know you are truly sweet on them. Yes, you could give your Valentine roses, but those things die after a few days and, other than the smell, are kind of boring. On the other hand, there’s nothing more romantic than a giant pirahna plant puppet.
Love can be topsy turvy, so shouldn’t your wine glasses be as well?
especially since alcohol probably played a large part in helping you meet your Valentine. It’s only available in California, but for some people, this is enough reason to book a trip. Roses are romantic, but you ever tried smoking one? Not recommended. Instead, you can promote a budding romance with a bouquet made from one ounce of carefully cultivated marijuana. Giving your Valentine sexy lingerie sounds good in theory, but isn’t that more of a gift for yourself? This Super Mario lounging outfit will send your love the message that you don’t give a damn what other people think is sexy. And last but not least I offer, your Valentine will have sweet dreams of you when they wear this unicorn sleep mask. FYI: You are allowed to make one — only one — reference to “being horny” after you give it, but that’s it! So go surf the internet and find that special gift(s) to keep the romance alive in and out of the bedroom.
The Crow is a contributing writer for c40cradio.com
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